So, it comes to past 3am, and I'm considering my opinions on porn. Not so much whether its bad that it exists (yeah, Cameron's whole porn ban can fuck right off) but how I feel about being involved in it personally.
I mean, its always been classed as 'similar' to what I've done in the past. Getting naked for Arty short films, posing nude, being in a trashy horror film with my tits out, parading around in a state of undress at burlesque events. But I always thought porn was completely out of my comfort zone.
But tonight I've shot a short video which, as far as some people would see it, is porn. Extremely soft porn admittedly (I'm naked, me and another girl touch each other, but no actual sex or masturbation takes place). I'm pretty much one step away.
And what stop's me from making that last step into actual porn? I used to have a couple of reasons. First, was that people seeing me naked is not a big deal, I'm fine with that. But people seeing my 'O' face? That's sharing a lot more of myself. Of course, doing porn it would be more my fake O face, but would that be better or worse? I'm still undecided.
Second is that, penetrative sex can still sometimes hurt me. Not hugely, but enough to know I'd never really make it in the DVDA world :/ Sure, there's always lesbian porn (kind of) but that still always seems to involve some ridiculously large strap on.
So, I mulled this over in my head tonight. I was touching another girl on camera, and going through some of the motions of making 'ooh' and 'aah' noises. Why am I not ok with going all the way and actually faking an orgasm on screen? Ok, I'll never be a super porn star, but I could do some soft-core girl-on-girl porn. It would be more fun, and pay better, than my current admin job. So why not?
Because, if I'm going to fake an orgasm, it's going to be while I'm doing something that I could potentially enjoy. I'm not going to pretend to love getting thrusted into over and over again by a guy with a huge penis and no other redeeming qualities. Nor am I going to play along with the idea that all lesbians use huge penis-substitutes, and finger each other with huge fake nails (OUCH!). Hell, I've seen porn where the girl is making noises, and her facial expression screams boredom, but the camera doesn't care because 'OMG! There's a PENIS going into a VAGINA! It's going in, and out, and in , and out, and in... (repeat ad nauseum)
Straight porn is made for men. Fair enough, I wouldn't want to ruin men's fantasies by showing what I actually like in bed. I don't like to think about blow jobs while I'm fantasising either. Gay male porn is made for.... well, occasionally straight japanese girls, but mainly gay men. And the bottom line: lesbian porn is not made for lesbians. It made for men who have a ridiculously twisted idea of what 'lesbian' means. Yes, there are plenty of lesbians who use strap ons and dildos, obviously they have the huge benefit of not being attached to a man. But there are just as many gay and straight women who aren't that fussed about penises, finding hands and mouths much more suitable for the job in hand. And I'm not interested in filming a porn film showing what straight men think lesbians do; if I shoot some girl-on-girl porn, it'll be for girls. Girls like me.
Hey, there's not much else out there for us.
Friday, 6 September 2013
Wednesday, 31 July 2013
Ok, So I've just come back from a LARP event. Sorry for the lack of posts recently, I had been thinking that once I'd been made redundant I'd have lots more time to write about funny things, but it turns out lying around in your dressing gown watching 'Gilmore Girls' doesn't lead to many funny stories.
Anyway, I'm going to relate to you a story that was told at the recent crew party (I'm part of the site crew for these events, volunteer crew).
Names will be slightly changed to protect the...innocent? depraved? er, people?
So, our glorious leader Mike, was on his way home from the first event of a new game, after having run a different game for many years. He was, understandably, knackered. Sharing the car with him was John, who does not drive. The car was towing a trailer.
In the car behind, was Mikes partner and her friend, also towing a trailer.
A while into the journey, John received a text from one of the women in the car behind (I'm hoping it was the one not driving). It said "Do you know that your car is all over the road?"
John looked to his right. Mike was sat with his right hand loosely gripping the steering wheel, his left... was laying over his face, as he was slumped backwards in his seat, asleep.
Now, people who have told me this story discussed what They would have done. The idea with the most approval was to firmly grip the steering wheel before attempting to wake Mike up. However, these suggestions came from drivers. John is not a driver.
Instead John texted back "Yeah, Mike's asleep. keep back, there's no need for all of us to die".
After that, John somehow managed to wake Mike up without the car crashing, and they pulled into a lay-by. There was a general consensus that Mike needed chemical assistance to stay awake.
Mike does not drink. Or smoke. Or drink caffeine. He avoids stimulants in any form. However, on this occasion, John was able to persuade him to take some pro-plus.
Mike was suddenly more awake than he'd ever been in his life, to the extent that when they finally got home, he immediately attempted to unload both trailers by himself. I'm assuming he then collapsed into bed and slept for a week.
Anyway, I'm going to relate to you a story that was told at the recent crew party (I'm part of the site crew for these events, volunteer crew).
Names will be slightly changed to protect the...innocent? depraved? er, people?
So, our glorious leader Mike, was on his way home from the first event of a new game, after having run a different game for many years. He was, understandably, knackered. Sharing the car with him was John, who does not drive. The car was towing a trailer.
In the car behind, was Mikes partner and her friend, also towing a trailer.
A while into the journey, John received a text from one of the women in the car behind (I'm hoping it was the one not driving). It said "Do you know that your car is all over the road?"
John looked to his right. Mike was sat with his right hand loosely gripping the steering wheel, his left... was laying over his face, as he was slumped backwards in his seat, asleep.
Now, people who have told me this story discussed what They would have done. The idea with the most approval was to firmly grip the steering wheel before attempting to wake Mike up. However, these suggestions came from drivers. John is not a driver.
Instead John texted back "Yeah, Mike's asleep. keep back, there's no need for all of us to die".
After that, John somehow managed to wake Mike up without the car crashing, and they pulled into a lay-by. There was a general consensus that Mike needed chemical assistance to stay awake.
Mike does not drink. Or smoke. Or drink caffeine. He avoids stimulants in any form. However, on this occasion, John was able to persuade him to take some pro-plus.
Mike was suddenly more awake than he'd ever been in his life, to the extent that when they finally got home, he immediately attempted to unload both trailers by himself. I'm assuming he then collapsed into bed and slept for a week.
Saturday, 9 March 2013
Weekend With Withnail...
So, it's taken me a while to get round to writing this, but I thought it was worth sharing. Maybe it isn't, but it seemed fairly entertaining to me.
Last weekend, I had some wine and was watching films. Cut to 3am, I'm on the vodka, and watching 'Withnail and I'. I'm starting to feel tired and decide to just go to bed. And if I fall asleep before the end of the film, sod it, I've seen it before.
I nip to the toilet, and as I come out, I hear someone being sick. Obviously, they are not being sick in the toilet. I go downstairs to check if whoever it is is alright. I find one of my housemates, stark naked, throwing up into the kitchen sink.
So, here's where I say all the stupid things like 'Are you ok?' and 'Can I do anything to help?' and finally 'Booze?' (I then worry if he thinks I'm offering him booze, and clarify this). I then leave him to it.
I bump into my other housemate, on the way to the kitchen to make himself a coffee. I warn him of the naked housemate situation, he says 'I don't care!' and wanders in. I follow.
We then stand talking for a while, as our housemate vomits in the sink. I mention how, in light of the film I have been watching, this seems perfectly normal. My housemate (the clothed, sober one) says that it doesn't bother him, having naked people in the kitchen is just a situation that comes with having housemates (I *might* have been caught naked in the kitchen at one point. That is not a story I will be going into at this point).
After our drunken housemate has recovered slightly, and staggered back to his room (right next door to the kitchen: apparently there was no time to go any further, or grab clothing), I risk a look at the sink.
I won't go into much detail. Let's just say it was, er, yellow. With good coverage of the whole sink. Despite being more than a little drunk myself at this point, I decided I couldn't leave it for someone else to find the next morning (say, my boyfriend, or the sink-soiling housemates girlfriend). I then had the following exchange with my sober housemate.
"Ok, thats disgusting, I can't just leave it like that... (the film pops into my head at this point) I'm going in! I'm going to clean the sink! Wait, I need gloves! I can't go in without gloves! Its awful, its... there's..."
"There's some matter in the sink!"
Luckily, drunk housemate reappeared, wearing a towel, before I could find any gloves. He proceeded to clean the sink, I advised him that he had a bit of vomit on his elbow, and went back upstairs. Rather woken up by all this craziness, I poured myself another drink, returned to my film, and eventually fell asleep around 4.30 watching a different film. I felt rather sensible and mature.
*names have been omitted as having the world find out you threw up in a sink often embarrasses.
Last weekend, I had some wine and was watching films. Cut to 3am, I'm on the vodka, and watching 'Withnail and I'. I'm starting to feel tired and decide to just go to bed. And if I fall asleep before the end of the film, sod it, I've seen it before.
I nip to the toilet, and as I come out, I hear someone being sick. Obviously, they are not being sick in the toilet. I go downstairs to check if whoever it is is alright. I find one of my housemates, stark naked, throwing up into the kitchen sink.
So, here's where I say all the stupid things like 'Are you ok?' and 'Can I do anything to help?' and finally 'Booze?' (I then worry if he thinks I'm offering him booze, and clarify this). I then leave him to it.
I bump into my other housemate, on the way to the kitchen to make himself a coffee. I warn him of the naked housemate situation, he says 'I don't care!' and wanders in. I follow.
We then stand talking for a while, as our housemate vomits in the sink. I mention how, in light of the film I have been watching, this seems perfectly normal. My housemate (the clothed, sober one) says that it doesn't bother him, having naked people in the kitchen is just a situation that comes with having housemates (I *might* have been caught naked in the kitchen at one point. That is not a story I will be going into at this point).
After our drunken housemate has recovered slightly, and staggered back to his room (right next door to the kitchen: apparently there was no time to go any further, or grab clothing), I risk a look at the sink.
I won't go into much detail. Let's just say it was, er, yellow. With good coverage of the whole sink. Despite being more than a little drunk myself at this point, I decided I couldn't leave it for someone else to find the next morning (say, my boyfriend, or the sink-soiling housemates girlfriend). I then had the following exchange with my sober housemate.
"Ok, thats disgusting, I can't just leave it like that... (the film pops into my head at this point) I'm going in! I'm going to clean the sink! Wait, I need gloves! I can't go in without gloves! Its awful, its... there's..."
"There's some matter in the sink!"
Luckily, drunk housemate reappeared, wearing a towel, before I could find any gloves. He proceeded to clean the sink, I advised him that he had a bit of vomit on his elbow, and went back upstairs. Rather woken up by all this craziness, I poured myself another drink, returned to my film, and eventually fell asleep around 4.30 watching a different film. I felt rather sensible and mature.
*names have been omitted as having the world find out you threw up in a sink often embarrasses.
Wednesday, 6 February 2013
Lawnmowers don't kill people..
So, I thought it was about time I shared this little tale with the internet.
When I was little I woke up in the night and couldn't get back to sleep. I have no idea exactly how old I was, but it was at the age where going through to your parents room because you can't sleep makes sense. My parents had fallen asleep with the TV on, half woke up enough to mumble 'Ok, sit through here for a bit then' and went back to sleep.
A film called 'Lawnmower Man' was about to start. This bit must have at least happened, as I'd never heard of the film before. However, I fell asleep not long after it started. My memories of the film were of a psycho going round killing people with a lawnmower (I had been exposed to some trashy horror films at this age). In one scene a teenage couple were making out in a high school locker room. The girl was topless, except for some whipped cream and a couple of strategically-placed glace cherries. Of course the lawnmower man came in and killed them. (I feel I should mention here that I don't remember any of the actual killings from the film).
At the end a slim, bald man rode into a circus tent on an elephant, and announced that he was the lawnmower man. And everyone forgave him. After the film there was a short disclaimer from a guy sat at a news desk, who told the audience that 'The film you have just seen is fictional. Lawnmowers don't kill people, people kill people. With Lawnmowers'.
Obviously, I must have dreamt the whole thing. But I didn't realise this until several years later when I mentioned it to someone and they pointed out that, no, that is not what the film is about. At all.
To this day, I have not seen the actual film. I don't think it could live up to my version.
When I was little I woke up in the night and couldn't get back to sleep. I have no idea exactly how old I was, but it was at the age where going through to your parents room because you can't sleep makes sense. My parents had fallen asleep with the TV on, half woke up enough to mumble 'Ok, sit through here for a bit then' and went back to sleep.
A film called 'Lawnmower Man' was about to start. This bit must have at least happened, as I'd never heard of the film before. However, I fell asleep not long after it started. My memories of the film were of a psycho going round killing people with a lawnmower (I had been exposed to some trashy horror films at this age). In one scene a teenage couple were making out in a high school locker room. The girl was topless, except for some whipped cream and a couple of strategically-placed glace cherries. Of course the lawnmower man came in and killed them. (I feel I should mention here that I don't remember any of the actual killings from the film).
At the end a slim, bald man rode into a circus tent on an elephant, and announced that he was the lawnmower man. And everyone forgave him. After the film there was a short disclaimer from a guy sat at a news desk, who told the audience that 'The film you have just seen is fictional. Lawnmowers don't kill people, people kill people. With Lawnmowers'.
Obviously, I must have dreamt the whole thing. But I didn't realise this until several years later when I mentioned it to someone and they pointed out that, no, that is not what the film is about. At all.
To this day, I have not seen the actual film. I don't think it could live up to my version.
Friday, 1 February 2013
A Fairytale of Heaton
So, last night was one of those anticipated and yet dreaded events; the work night out. A big bunch of contractors (ie. all of them) had been given just under a weeks notice that their contracts were not being extended, and as yesterday was their last day the plan was clear : PUB.
So they got to leave at 3, leaving a handful of us to answer the phones for the whole office, and finally got out at 5. At which point all my sensible plans of having food at the pub (the table was too crowded for food) and only having a couple went straight out the window.
So, after a fairly merry time, I decided it was time to leave about 9/9.30 ish. Now I'd previously mentioned to the boyfriend that I may ask for a lift home, and if I hadn't contacted him by 9, he should contact me.
What follows is a bit of a blur, but I remember a taxi, getting a pizza, and then boyfriend being annoyed at me when I offered him pizza. I then went to sleep, had a dream about a spider that I loved dearly, and woke up randomly at 4.30 (I only got back to something like-half sleep, so I'm about ready to drop now).
Boyfriend was also particularly grumpy in the morning (not much difference to be honest), but then I checked my phone. I saw several missed/incoming/outgoing calls to boyfriend. I checked my texts. I see a text from myself reading 'never mind, I'll get a taxi' and then the following three received texts:
"Heading off now, I'll be about ten mins"
"I'm outside now"
"Do you want picking up or not?"
So...shit. I've obliviously gotten a taxi, failed to inform my boyfriend of this, and not answered my phone when he's ringing me from outside the pub. No wonder he didn't want pizza!
So, that kinda sucked the wind out of my sails a little (up until that point I was operating on 'still half pissed' productivity). And I've felt guilty all day. I'm thinking 'What can I possibly do to make up for being such a drunken twat?'.
So, boyfriend arrives to pick me up from work. I open the car door.... and there's a HUGE package of Lindor chocolates on the passenger seat. To make up for being so grumpy with me the night before.
And that's why I'm feeling pretty damn lucky right now.
So they got to leave at 3, leaving a handful of us to answer the phones for the whole office, and finally got out at 5. At which point all my sensible plans of having food at the pub (the table was too crowded for food) and only having a couple went straight out the window.
So, after a fairly merry time, I decided it was time to leave about 9/9.30 ish. Now I'd previously mentioned to the boyfriend that I may ask for a lift home, and if I hadn't contacted him by 9, he should contact me.
What follows is a bit of a blur, but I remember a taxi, getting a pizza, and then boyfriend being annoyed at me when I offered him pizza. I then went to sleep, had a dream about a spider that I loved dearly, and woke up randomly at 4.30 (I only got back to something like-half sleep, so I'm about ready to drop now).
Boyfriend was also particularly grumpy in the morning (not much difference to be honest), but then I checked my phone. I saw several missed/incoming/outgoing calls to boyfriend. I checked my texts. I see a text from myself reading 'never mind, I'll get a taxi' and then the following three received texts:
"Heading off now, I'll be about ten mins"
"I'm outside now"
"Do you want picking up or not?"
So...shit. I've obliviously gotten a taxi, failed to inform my boyfriend of this, and not answered my phone when he's ringing me from outside the pub. No wonder he didn't want pizza!
So, that kinda sucked the wind out of my sails a little (up until that point I was operating on 'still half pissed' productivity). And I've felt guilty all day. I'm thinking 'What can I possibly do to make up for being such a drunken twat?'.
So, boyfriend arrives to pick me up from work. I open the car door.... and there's a HUGE package of Lindor chocolates on the passenger seat. To make up for being so grumpy with me the night before.
And that's why I'm feeling pretty damn lucky right now.
Friday, 25 January 2013
Always read the (not so fine) print...
So, today at work I came across a letter a co-worker of mine had sent out (this person has already left the company).
Part of the letter was an acceptance form, for the customer to sign to say 'I accept this resolution to my complaint'. We use templates, and she hadn't filled in the amounts, so it still said things like:
"I understand that you will pay a refund of [£0.00]. This will include [£0.00] representing 8% simple interest"
So, the main body of the letter DID state the amount we were offering, but the actual legal document did not. This could cause trouble for us.
But, proving that customers can be as ditzy as some of our staff... he signed it.
He sent in a form saying 'yes, I accept that you will pay me no money'. Well, if you insist sir, the customer IS always right after all...
We did give him his refund of course, but it does make you wonder what someone who was, say, about to leave the company, could try to sneak into a legal document.
Feel free to give suggestions :)
Interestingly enough, I may at some point in the future be having minor surgery under sedation. I've been warned that I am not allowed to sign any documents for 24 hours after being given the drug. Now I see why.
Part of the letter was an acceptance form, for the customer to sign to say 'I accept this resolution to my complaint'. We use templates, and she hadn't filled in the amounts, so it still said things like:
"I understand that you will pay a refund of [£0.00]. This will include [£0.00] representing 8% simple interest"
So, the main body of the letter DID state the amount we were offering, but the actual legal document did not. This could cause trouble for us.
But, proving that customers can be as ditzy as some of our staff... he signed it.
He sent in a form saying 'yes, I accept that you will pay me no money'. Well, if you insist sir, the customer IS always right after all...
We did give him his refund of course, but it does make you wonder what someone who was, say, about to leave the company, could try to sneak into a legal document.
Feel free to give suggestions :)
Interestingly enough, I may at some point in the future be having minor surgery under sedation. I've been warned that I am not allowed to sign any documents for 24 hours after being given the drug. Now I see why.
Saturday, 5 January 2013
You need mash for that...
So, My boyfriends dad has been in hospital (far too serious a time to give him a jokey name). I had got a sausage casserole going in the day (this was a day I was off work) and my boyfriend went to visit his dad straight from work, telling me he'd be home late.
So, knowing i had some extra time, and that slow cooker food can be left going ages longer, I decided to do some proper mash (instant mash is like mixing sawdust with water, why does no one see this?).
So, my boyfriend comes home from the hospital, to see me finishing of a batch of lovely mashed potatoes, and bursts out laughing.
Why? He'd told his dad (who, by the way, was on a lot of morphine at the time) that I was cooking sausage casserole for him. And his dad was very adamant that we NEEDED to have mash! we couldn't possibly enjoy this sausage casserole without mash.
So, I guess great minds think alike. Or, at least my mind thinks like a morphine addled mind. Either way, the food was good.
So, knowing i had some extra time, and that slow cooker food can be left going ages longer, I decided to do some proper mash (instant mash is like mixing sawdust with water, why does no one see this?).
So, my boyfriend comes home from the hospital, to see me finishing of a batch of lovely mashed potatoes, and bursts out laughing.
Why? He'd told his dad (who, by the way, was on a lot of morphine at the time) that I was cooking sausage casserole for him. And his dad was very adamant that we NEEDED to have mash! we couldn't possibly enjoy this sausage casserole without mash.
So, I guess great minds think alike. Or, at least my mind thinks like a morphine addled mind. Either way, the food was good.
"Do you put 'everything' on face book?"
So said the boyfriend tonight.
I should explain. He'd picked up one of those sushi snack-pack things from the supermarket (although the definition of 'sushi' is debatable... it contained no fish). He asked if I thought it was weird that the soy sauce came in a little plastic fish. I replied 'Well, where else would you put you soy sauce? Seems perfectly normal to me'.
This was immediately followed by me saying 'ooh, I'm gonna put that on facebook', to which he asked if I put everything on face book. I said 'No, I don't put pictures of my vagina on facebook'.
So, that was fairly short and unremarkable wasn't it? (really want to make a penis joke here). I guess the suggestion of putting everything on face book reminded me that I should maybe be putting stuff up here more often. But then, a blog isn't really the place for one, random line is it?
Oh well. I've just been reminded of something I meant to post a little while ago and didn't, so may as well get it out there now. I was debating how anonymous to make everyone in the story. If, for example, I'm sharing a story about a person I ate a pie with, they will forever be known as 'pie friend' in my blog. Which is fine. But the three people I will be mentioning in this story are my best friends and have been for such a long time that one incident would not be enough to describe them. These three are to be known as J, L and K (in order of meeting them, not alphabetically, I'm being awkward). Everyone else who pops up in my stories will get some little name like 'pie friend' or else they'll not be named until they've popped up repeatedly.
(on that note, the boyfriend may eventually be called B, or D, or 'Penis Man', I haven't decided yet. I'm open to suggestions).
Anyway, on with the story, short and incoherent though it is. I had J and L round at mine the Saturday after Christmas; we always have our own 'friends' Christmas, as of course Christmas itself is a family day. This originated when we all hung out at a friends flat, and would meet to swap presents after Christmas, calling it 'flatmas'. Now we are proper adults (pfft) and we actually cook a dinner. I hosted this year (being the one without parents/children in the way) and I had a play list of Christmas songs playing in the background.
(if anyone is wondering where K is, being such a good friend and all, she's currently living in Germany, but we skyped with her later so she got to join us)
Now, me and J have been friends for an amazingly long time, since we were 3 (We are 28/27 now, she'll catch up with me in March). And in this time we've invented a large amount of silly in-jokes and phrases. One of which is J's re-working of Slade's 'Merry Christmas Everybody'.
Our (or rather her) lyrics are as follows..
So here it is, Merry Christmas!
Everybody's shagging cats.
Fuck to the future now!
You're just about to co-o-ome!
Er, yeah, I think we've been singing that since we were 12 maybe?
As we were using spotify for my play list, the original version of this one was unavailable, but we did have access to an almost-acceptable cover version. The only truly bad part was the 'It's Chriiiiiiiistmaaaas!' shout, which was completely pathetic and without feeling.
Upon hearing this, J said "he should fuck that teddy bear with more passion,(the switch from cats to inanimate toys was unexplained but for the best, once you see where she went with this.) when noddy holder did it, he fucked it so hard there was spunk dribbling out it's eyes!".
So, there's my entertaining story. And as a side note, when I checked face book the next morning, I saw that my status had been briefly changed to 'fucked so hard, spunk dribbling out it's eyes'. oh dear. and so you see there's really not much that hasn't been put on face book...
I should explain. He'd picked up one of those sushi snack-pack things from the supermarket (although the definition of 'sushi' is debatable... it contained no fish). He asked if I thought it was weird that the soy sauce came in a little plastic fish. I replied 'Well, where else would you put you soy sauce? Seems perfectly normal to me'.
This was immediately followed by me saying 'ooh, I'm gonna put that on facebook', to which he asked if I put everything on face book. I said 'No, I don't put pictures of my vagina on facebook'.
So, that was fairly short and unremarkable wasn't it? (really want to make a penis joke here). I guess the suggestion of putting everything on face book reminded me that I should maybe be putting stuff up here more often. But then, a blog isn't really the place for one, random line is it?
Oh well. I've just been reminded of something I meant to post a little while ago and didn't, so may as well get it out there now. I was debating how anonymous to make everyone in the story. If, for example, I'm sharing a story about a person I ate a pie with, they will forever be known as 'pie friend' in my blog. Which is fine. But the three people I will be mentioning in this story are my best friends and have been for such a long time that one incident would not be enough to describe them. These three are to be known as J, L and K (in order of meeting them, not alphabetically, I'm being awkward). Everyone else who pops up in my stories will get some little name like 'pie friend' or else they'll not be named until they've popped up repeatedly.
(on that note, the boyfriend may eventually be called B, or D, or 'Penis Man', I haven't decided yet. I'm open to suggestions).
Anyway, on with the story, short and incoherent though it is. I had J and L round at mine the Saturday after Christmas; we always have our own 'friends' Christmas, as of course Christmas itself is a family day. This originated when we all hung out at a friends flat, and would meet to swap presents after Christmas, calling it 'flatmas'. Now we are proper adults (pfft) and we actually cook a dinner. I hosted this year (being the one without parents/children in the way) and I had a play list of Christmas songs playing in the background.
(if anyone is wondering where K is, being such a good friend and all, she's currently living in Germany, but we skyped with her later so she got to join us)
Now, me and J have been friends for an amazingly long time, since we were 3 (We are 28/27 now, she'll catch up with me in March). And in this time we've invented a large amount of silly in-jokes and phrases. One of which is J's re-working of Slade's 'Merry Christmas Everybody'.
Our (or rather her) lyrics are as follows..
So here it is, Merry Christmas!
Everybody's shagging cats.
Fuck to the future now!
You're just about to co-o-ome!
Er, yeah, I think we've been singing that since we were 12 maybe?
As we were using spotify for my play list, the original version of this one was unavailable, but we did have access to an almost-acceptable cover version. The only truly bad part was the 'It's Chriiiiiiiistmaaaas!' shout, which was completely pathetic and without feeling.
Upon hearing this, J said "he should fuck that teddy bear with more passion,(the switch from cats to inanimate toys was unexplained but for the best, once you see where she went with this.) when noddy holder did it, he fucked it so hard there was spunk dribbling out it's eyes!".
So, there's my entertaining story. And as a side note, when I checked face book the next morning, I saw that my status had been briefly changed to 'fucked so hard, spunk dribbling out it's eyes'. oh dear. and so you see there's really not much that hasn't been put on face book...
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