So, it comes to past 3am, and I'm considering my opinions on porn. Not so much whether its bad that it exists (yeah, Cameron's whole porn ban can fuck right off) but how I feel about being involved in it personally.
I mean, its always been classed as 'similar' to what I've done in the past. Getting naked for Arty short films, posing nude, being in a trashy horror film with my tits out, parading around in a state of undress at burlesque events. But I always thought porn was completely out of my comfort zone.
But tonight I've shot a short video which, as far as some people would see it, is porn. Extremely soft porn admittedly (I'm naked, me and another girl touch each other, but no actual sex or masturbation takes place). I'm pretty much one step away.
And what stop's me from making that last step into actual porn? I used to have a couple of reasons. First, was that people seeing me naked is not a big deal, I'm fine with that. But people seeing my 'O' face? That's sharing a lot more of myself. Of course, doing porn it would be more my fake O face, but would that be better or worse? I'm still undecided.
Second is that, penetrative sex can still sometimes hurt me. Not hugely, but enough to know I'd never really make it in the DVDA world :/ Sure, there's always lesbian porn (kind of) but that still always seems to involve some ridiculously large strap on.
So, I mulled this over in my head tonight. I was touching another girl on camera, and going through some of the motions of making 'ooh' and 'aah' noises. Why am I not ok with going all the way and actually faking an orgasm on screen? Ok, I'll never be a super porn star, but I could do some soft-core girl-on-girl porn. It would be more fun, and pay better, than my current admin job. So why not?
Because, if I'm going to fake an orgasm, it's going to be while I'm doing something that I could potentially enjoy. I'm not going to pretend to love getting thrusted into over and over again by a guy with a huge penis and no other redeeming qualities. Nor am I going to play along with the idea that all lesbians use huge penis-substitutes, and finger each other with huge fake nails (OUCH!). Hell, I've seen porn where the girl is making noises, and her facial expression screams boredom, but the camera doesn't care because 'OMG! There's a PENIS going into a VAGINA! It's going in, and out, and in , and out, and in... (repeat ad nauseum)
Straight porn is made for men. Fair enough, I wouldn't want to ruin men's fantasies by showing what I actually like in bed. I don't like to think about blow jobs while I'm fantasising either. Gay male porn is made for.... well, occasionally straight japanese girls, but mainly gay men. And the bottom line: lesbian porn is not made for lesbians. It made for men who have a ridiculously twisted idea of what 'lesbian' means. Yes, there are plenty of lesbians who use strap ons and dildos, obviously they have the huge benefit of not being attached to a man. But there are just as many gay and straight women who aren't that fussed about penises, finding hands and mouths much more suitable for the job in hand. And I'm not interested in filming a porn film showing what straight men think lesbians do; if I shoot some girl-on-girl porn, it'll be for girls. Girls like me.
Hey, there's not much else out there for us.
