Lawnmowers don't kill people..

So, I thought it was about time I shared this little tale with the internet.

When I was little I woke up in the night and couldn't get back to sleep. I have no idea exactly how old I was, but it was at the age where going through to your parents room because you can't sleep makes sense. My parents had fallen asleep with the TV on, half woke up enough to mumble 'Ok, sit through here for a bit then' and went back to sleep.

A film called 'Lawnmower Man' was about to start. This bit must have at least happened, as I'd never heard of the film before. However, I fell asleep not long after it started. My memories of the film were of a psycho going round killing people with a lawnmower (I had been exposed to some trashy horror films at this age). In one scene a teenage couple were making out in a high school locker room. The girl was topless, except for some whipped cream and a couple of strategically-placed glace cherries. Of course the lawnmower man came in and killed them. (I feel I should mention here that I don't remember any of the actual killings from the film).
At the end a slim, bald man rode into a circus tent on an elephant, and announced that he was the lawnmower man. And everyone forgave him. After the film there was a short disclaimer from a guy sat at a news desk, who told the audience that 'The film you have just seen is fictional. Lawnmowers don't kill people, people kill people. With Lawnmowers'.

Obviously, I must have dreamt the whole thing. But I didn't realise this until several years later when I mentioned it to someone and they pointed out that, no, that is not what the film is about. At all.

To this day, I have not seen the actual film. I don't think it could live up to my version.

A Fairytale of Heaton

So, last night was one of those anticipated and yet dreaded events; the work night out. A big bunch of contractors (ie. all of them) had been given just under a weeks notice that their contracts were not being extended, and as yesterday was their last day the plan was clear : PUB.

So they got to leave at 3, leaving a handful of us to answer the phones for the whole office, and finally got out at 5. At which point all my sensible plans of having food at the pub (the table was too crowded for food) and  only having a couple went straight out the window.

So, after a fairly merry time, I decided it was time to leave about 9/9.30 ish. Now I'd previously mentioned to the boyfriend that I may ask for a lift home, and if I hadn't contacted him by 9, he should contact me.

What follows is a bit of a blur, but I remember a taxi, getting a pizza, and then boyfriend being annoyed at me when I offered him pizza. I then went to sleep, had a dream about a spider that I loved dearly, and woke up randomly at 4.30 (I only got back to something like-half sleep, so I'm about ready to drop now).

Boyfriend was also particularly grumpy in the morning (not much difference to be honest), but then I checked my phone. I saw several missed/incoming/outgoing calls to boyfriend. I checked my texts. I see a text from myself reading 'never mind, I'll get a taxi' and then the following three received texts:

"Heading off now, I'll be about ten mins"

"I'm outside now"

"Do you want picking up or not?"

So...shit. I've obliviously gotten a taxi, failed to inform my boyfriend of this, and not answered my phone when he's ringing me from outside the pub. No wonder he didn't want pizza!

So, that kinda sucked the wind out of my sails a little (up until that point I was operating on 'still half pissed' productivity). And I've felt guilty all day. I'm thinking 'What can I possibly do to make up for being such a drunken twat?'.

So, boyfriend arrives to pick me up from work. I open the car door.... and there's a HUGE package of Lindor chocolates on the passenger seat. To make up for being so grumpy with me the night before.

And that's why I'm feeling pretty damn lucky right now.